I feel like a shit wife. I do. I can’t help it.
When I say I feel like a shit wife, I think about all of the contexts that that could be taken in:
- I spend the day at home looking after 2 children under 2. When C gets home, they are clean, fed, watered and haven’t been dropped or burnt. There has been laughter, craft, play and happy things done to show and tell Daddy about = Not a shit wife
- I try my hardest to ensure the house is at least half decent for when he gets home and not a complete bomb site = Not a shit wife
- There is food in the fridge. There isn’t always a dinner on but there is the ability to make one = Not a shit wife
- By the time he gets home I am often exhausted. When I am tired, my skin gets so sensitive it is like electric bolts run through me therefore cuddles effectively hurt = Shit Wife
- I often just want to sit quietly not get into complex discussions about things = Shit Wife
- I get frustrated easily as I’m tired and can across as a right grumpy cow = Shit Wife
Many of you are probably thinking that this is normal for someone who gave birth 5 weeks ago, but to me it’s frustrating. I used to love the cuddles, the closeness and the sitting chatting. It’s not that I don’t love them now, because I do, it’s just different. I’m tired. I’m sore.
I think there is also a lack of identity. I’m just a Mummy and a Wife. I wouldn’t change my life for anything, believe me I wouldn’t, but sometimes I just miss a bit of the old me. I miss the girl who used to be able to drink all night in the student union, have 2 hours sleep and then cope with a lecture. I miss using my brain for things other than craft ideas for a toddler and what to have for dinner.
So here it is. I need to get better at the little bits (or I feel like I do). I promise to try harder to not be so tired, to have the energy for a game of scrabble in the evening. I promise to spend a little bit less time hiding behind my phone or pad. I promise to be a better wife. I love you so much Mr F. I promise to try making those little moments magic rather than grumpy.
I will however, still escape to Morrisons in the evenings sometimes and play the the stereo loudly and dance like a loon 😃